PI Newswire

Say what you will about acclaimed philanderers’ website Ashley Madison, but the proof is in the numbers—the site boasts a more-than-impressive 7 million members. As you read this, cheating hearts are setting up booty calls in eight countries and three different languages. So does founder and CEO Noel Biderman feel ethically conflicted about creating a portal for millions of roaming hands around the globe? Nope. Not at all. We chatted with Biderman to give him a chance to make a case for Ashley Madison and how he thinks the site may actually help marriage.

YourTango: How do you feel about promoting infidelity?

Noel Biderman: I didn’t invent infidelity. Though I may be tweaking it. Infidelity is misunderstood, and we struggle with it in our society. We should stop being so judgmental about it. I know why they [cheaters] do it; they love their families, they don’t want to get divorced, especially if there are kids involved. Aren’t the kids really the victims of divorce? If we stand back and realize a person in a monogamous marriage has a 50/50 chance of making it, you may realize that cheating happens in order to preserve marriage.

Sure, marriage is difficult, but doesn’t Ashley Madison encourage infidelity by making it seem normal?

I don’t think people are so pliable that seeing a 30-second advertisement for Ashley Madison will make people want to go have an affair. We’re safe, secure and anonymous and we keep them off traditional dating sites, mixing and mingling with single folks.

But the real problem with cheating is the dishonesty.

It’s only dishonest because they don’t want to hurt their partners and are terrified of the repercussions. It’s not dishonesty because of a character flaw. I do see it as constructive. I get thank you e-mails from those who say I helped them get through the day. I’m happy to be a part of the solution.

Read more…

Oh no he didn’t!

According to Star magazine, Ashton Kutcher has cheated on his 15-years-older wife, Demi Moore, for the second time, enjoying a steamy romp on the sofa with a 21-year-old woman. The tabloid says the actor also previously indulged in a “public make-out session with a young blonde.”

Kutcher, 32, took to Twitter (as usual) to furiously deny the report.

“I think Star magazine calling me a ‘cheater’ qualifies as defamation of character. I hope my lawyer agrees,” he tweeted, adding: “STAR magazine — you don’t get to stand behind ‘freedom of the press’ when you are writing fiction.”

His lawyer, Marty Singer, then released the following statement: “Star Magazine continuously publishes lies about Ashton Kutcher and many other celebrities.”

But according to Star, Brittney Jones says she spent a “hot night” with the handsome actor after meeting him at a bowling alley — where he was hanging out with 47-year-old Moore. (Already, this story is starting to sound a little fishy.)

Days later, she says she had sex with Kutcher on a sofa in the house he shares with Moore and her daughters.

“We made love on the couch. He’s a great lover, very considerate and sweet,” Jones reportedly said.

If the report is true, Kutcher will be far from the first celebrity to have a little fun while the spouse isn’t looking. Country singer LeAnn Rimes recently opened up to Shape magazine about cheating on ex-husband Dean Sheremet.

“I understand why people are disappointed in me, especially since I grew up as America’s sweetheart. I think any relationship is hard to get out of, and I don’t think the way I did it was right,” she told the mag. “It wasn’t a fulfilling marriage for either of us,” she added. “As we got older, we grew apart.”

While Rimes was still married, rumors began to swirl that she was dating actor Eddie Cibrian, who was also married. Rimes and Cibrian are now officially a couple and living together.

View Source…

Cheating may be a man’s way of trying to restore his gender identity when he feels it is under threat, Christin Munsch, a sociology doctorate candidate at Cornell University, says in the study, which she authored and presented at the annual meeting of the American Sociological
Association.

“Making less money than a female partner may threaten men’s gender identity by calling into question the traditional notion of men as breadwinners,” said the study’s author Christin Munsch, a sociology doctorate candidate at Cornell University.

The study also found that men whose partners were more dependent on them were also more likely to cheat, making it a lose-lose situation for women. Dr. Kamal Khurana, Marriage and relationship expert says, “When the man earns less, he feels incompetent and this leads to a low self esteem. To compensate this low feeling he unconsciously, tends to interact with another woman.”

“The interaction deepens and leads to a physical intimacy. He feels happy because he has conquered the woman. Getting physical is more of an attempt to gain power, to dominate and to gain back what he thinks he has lost.”

Dr. Gitanjali Sharma, Marriage expert says, “I get such cases regularly. As the man is earning less, he feels insecure. His male ego remains unsatisfied. And to look after his happiness, he opts for the short term pleasures.”

Read more…

ALLAHABAD: A 30-year-man succumbed to his injuries after his paramour bobbitized him at Colonelganj in Allahabad on Sunday.

Police said the paramour, Jyoti, a widow, chopped off autorickshaw driver Jai Prakash’s private parts after she suspected that he was cheating on her. Jyoti, a fruit vendor, was arrested from the crime scene and booked under IPC’s section 326 and 302.

Colonelganj circle officer Shankar Dutt Shukla told TOI that Jyoti and Prakash were having an affair and of late she was suspecting him of cheating on her. “She hatched the conspiracy to teach him a lesson.”

Police said Jyoti called Prakash for a booze session at a deserted place and when he got sozzled, she hit him with a stone and bobbitised him when he became unconscious.

She didn’t attempt to flee and started crying. The locals spotted the two and informed the police. The cops rushed Prakash to a hospital but he succumbed to his injuries.

View Source…

Music mogul SIMON COWELL was convinced CHERYL COLE would reunite with her soccer star husband despite allegations of his infidelity.

The singer split from England player Ashley Cole in February (10) after claims of his alleged affairs hit the headlines.

The pair was granted a divorce at London’s High Court on Friday (03Sep10) in a hearing which lasted just over a minute, swiftly ending their four-year marriage.

But Cole’s The X Factor boss Cowell admits he thought the singer would reconcile with the sports star.

He tells Britain’s The Sun, “I wish her all the best but honestly I never thought they would break up. I still thought she might have taken him back.

“But I’m happy for her if she’s happy and I can’t wait for the live shows to start. She always gives it 100 per cent. She’s so vibrant and I hope she’s happy, I really do.”

View Source…

Divorced. Single dad. Golf game still to be determined.

And so, after nine months of turmoil over his extramarital affairs, now begins the next chapter in the life and times of Tiger Woods.

In a hearing that lasted no more than 10 minutes in a Florida judge’s chambers, Woods and his Swedish-born wife officially divorced Monday.

“We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future,” Woods and Elin Nordegren said in a joint statement released by their lawyers.

The divorce was granted shortly after 2 p.m. in Bay County Circuit Court in Panama City, Fla., about 375 miles from their Isleworth home outside Orlando, where Woods drove his SUV over a fire hydrant and into a tree on Thanksgiving night. That set off shocking revelations that sports’ biggest star had been cheating on his wife through multiple affairs.

Woods’ life and golf game have been in disarray ever since.

He and Nordegren were married Oct. 5, 2004, in Barbados and have a 3-year-old daughter, Sam, and an 18-month-old son, Charlie.

Terms of the divorce — such as how much it will cost Woods — were not disclosed. They said only that they will “share parenting” of their two children.

Read more…

Abbey Clancy has reportedly decided to forgive fiancé Peter Crouch, but is not prepared to forget recent allegations of the footballer’s infidelity.

Last week, reports emerged that the Tottenham Hotspur striker had cheated on model Clancy by sleeping with a 19-year-old prostitute on a stag weekend in Madrid. Following the revelations, Clancy was reported to be moving out of the £3m Surrey mansion the couple share.

The Mirror reports that the 24-year-old has now resolved to fight for her relationship with Crouch, provided that there are no further accusations of cheating.

Clancy told a friend: “It’s not going to be easy, but, given time, I hope we can get through this. We’ve been through too much. I’m not prepared to let it go.”

“Abbey is still very hurt by the accusations,” the friend explained. “Although she is prepared to forgive, she won’t ever forget.”

View Source…

What’s a girl to do? According to new research, men are more likely to be unfaithful if their wives are high-fliers – so maybe your marriage will be safer if you stay at home and bring up the children.

Except, unfortunately, that sounds like even less fun: although women who are financially dependent on their husbands are not likely to cheat, their highly paid spouses still tend to stray.

“At one end of the spectrum, making less money than a female partner may threaten men’s gender identity by calling into question the traditional notion of men as breadwinners,” reckons Christin Munsch, author of The Effect of Relative Income Disparity on Infidelity for Men and Women. “At the other end of the spectrum, men who make a lot more money than their partners may be in jobs that offer more opportunities for cheating, like long working hours, [and] travel.”

It turns out that the best bet for women hoping to ensure their husbands’ fidelity is to make roughly 75 per cent of their partner’s earnings. I can see exactly why this would work: it’s enough to allow the woman to feel financially independent – and for her husband to understand that to be the case – but not enough for the man to feel that his masculinity is impugned.

Luckily, it is indeed often the case that husbands make a bit more than their working wives – a few years on what Americans call “the Mommy track” often depresses women’s earnings, even for couples with roughly parallel careers.

But these things are hard to plan, particularly since many of us meet our future spouses at university or in the first few years of our working lives. At that point, a decision that one or other partner will be the main breadwinner seems more straightforward.

Munsch’s assumption is that men’s confidence comes under threat if their wives earn substantially more then they do, whereas it is socially acceptable for women to be supported by their husbands. There is doubtless a lot of truth to that – but there may be other explanations for her results.

First, there is a theory that men consider a wider range of potential sexual partners than women. A 2007 study found that men, faced with a lack of options, simply lower their standards, while women in the same situation actually raise theirs, to counteract the male tendency to seek out short-term relationships. Perhaps this helps explain why non-working wives are more likely to be faithful: there aren’t many attractive options, whereas the stay-at-home dad has plenty of Yummy Mummies to pick from, and may even lower his sights to the sub-yummy if necessary.

Then there is another, less sisterly, explanation for women’s apparently greater faithfulness: they are lying. Munsch found that during a six-year period, an average of 3.8 per cent of male partners and 1.4 per cent of female partners admitted to cheating in any given year. So either men cheat mainly with single women, or women are economical with the truth.

The reality, given the level of divorce rates, is probably that both are prone to fibbing: in fact, I can’t help feeling that it goes with the territory. In every survey, in every country, men claim to have more – often many more – sexual encounters than women.

Read more…

So it’s finally come to this: one way or another, you’re convinced your partner is having an affair. What now?

In Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, Cacilda Jethá, my co-author (and wife) and I argue that there’s a good reason long term sexual monogamy is hard for human beings. The evidence we present in the book shows that til death do us part may be a wonderful ideal, but it’s anything but an easy (or natural) path for most human beings. Yes, we are moral beings (most of us) with the capacity to override our evolved predispositions to some extent, but maybe, just maybe, an occasional slip on that long and arduous path is to be expected.

Or maybe not. Such notions of tolerance are actively discouraged in America. As Pamela Druckerman explains in Lust in Translation, her survey of global attitudes toward infidelity, “It has come to seem obvious to Americans that the discovery of infidelity leads to a confrontation, followed by counseling, perhaps other forms of support, and a long period of discussion and recovery (sometimes in perpetuity).” Druckerman argues that this “scripted response” to infidelity is promoted by the marriage-industrial complex. She writes, “Just as the military-industrial complex needs wars, the marriage-industrial complex needs adulterous couples to believe they require help from professionals.” And she’s just talking about the couples who are trying to stay together. Those who decide to throw in the towel engage the even more expensive divorce-industrial complex.

So, with both human evolution and global variations in response to infidelity in mind, let’s consider a few things an affair may not mean.

1. Your marriage sucks.

Maybe it does; maybe it doesn’t. But let’s be honest: all marriages suck sometimes. If you don’t know that, you haven’t been married very long or you haven’t been paying attention. Sartre said, “Hell is other people.” Sometimes, that other person is your spouse. But that’s not the only reason people have affairs. The main reason people have affairs is that they can. Or at least they think they can. If you accept the premise of Sex at Dawn (and please consider reading it before rejecting it), it’s utterly normal for all of us to yearn for a little “strange” every once in a while. It’s quite possible that the affair is not a reaction to you or rejection of your marriage at all.

Read more…

Negotiated infidelity. The very phrase is enough to send happy couples running for the hills, and tied-up promiscuous blokes clapping their hands with glee. After all, isn’t it against biology to be monogamous? Aren’t we fighting a losing battle in the attempt not to stray? Isn’t fidelity overrated? (For the record, I think the term “negotiated infidelity” is a bona fide oxymoron, but bear with me for now as I introduce you to the argument.)

As one man said to me the other day, “My mother said the biggest mistake I made in my marriage was that I thought I could still date other women. Apparently I couldn’t.”

Another man claimed that, although at fortysomething years old he felt he’d finally met “the one”, he still couldn’t help looking at other women. “I still get those urges and I find them difficult to contain,” he told me. “I find it a real challenge not to act on them even though I’m finally in love with the woman of my dreams.”

Perhaps it’s ego. Perhaps it’s male testosterone. Perhaps it’s selfishness. Perhaps men these days want to have their cake and eat from another one simultaneously. But whatever the reason, as much as I hope never to date (let alone marry) one of these sorts of men, I don’t blame them for their thoughts. After all, it’s within a man’s DNA to look, sometimes touch and mostly think about, doing naughty things with someone of the opposite sex other than their special somebody.

Read more…

IT’s quite common to hear of a woman taking back her cheating husband after his infidelity, no matter how much she hurts. But for most men the woman will be gone the first time she makes a similar strike.

In fact, some men will tell you that it is best that they never find out, because once they do, feelings of inadequacy start settling in.

“I guess it’s more of an ego thing more than anything else for men,” explained 45-year-old Carl L. “No man wants to hear that his woman or his wife went out and cheated on them. It’s just the nature of the man and how he is made up.”

He said that while he has no knowledge of ever being cheated on, it could be a possibility.

“I wouldn’t want to know. What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” he said.

Thirty-seven-year-old accountant Carlos R made no bones about the fact that a cheating girlfriend is something he simply couldn’t handle.

“I wouldn’t be able to understand why she would go out and cheat and I am here and I could give her what she wants,” he said.

He said it’s hard for a man to look at his wife the same after she cheats.

“I would start thinking about them having intercourse and him touching her and that alone would get me mad,” he admitted, adding that he would end the relationship the first time it happened.

He too agreed that it is an ego thing for men.

“The man believes that once he calls you wife, he gives you everything and you are not supposed to be in need of anything,” he said.

Read more…

Holly Hill (pictured above) is an Australian author who believes monogamy is overrated.

It seems like a good time to have a conversation on this issue with golfing great Tiger Woods in town for the 2010 PGA Championship at Whistling Straits.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that Tiger is the poster boy for cheaters. He allegedly cheated on his wife hundreds of times with everyone from porn stars to waitresses.

According to Hill, the author of “Sugarbabe: The controversial real story of a woman in search of a sugar daddy,” a woman who negotiates infidelity for her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why her mate is late arriving home.

“It’s better to walk the dog on a leash rather than let it escape through an unseen hole in a back fence,” she told CNN.

As a matter of fact, Hill believes that most married men who cheat on their wives still love their wives, but the reason that they cheat is because they are not getting enough sex at home.

So before you start ripping me apart on this one, remember Hill said this, not me.

Does she have a point? (Click here for the video). Hill calls monogamous men “heroes” but believes long term that monogamy is not possible because men are hard wired to cheat. Are men preprogrammed to seek another mate?

Here’s my perspective and I admit that I borrowed some of this from comedian Chris Rock. If you’re married and have been in a relationship for a long time, you have to find a way to re-invent or renew the relationship. Don’t fall into the pit of taking the other person for granted or simply thinking that the other person will just always be there.

If you truly love the person, just be honest. Tell them what you want, how you feel and also be willing to give of yourself. It’s not easy, maybe that’s why more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. with infidelity being a main culprit.

So what do you think?

View Source…